as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
