we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
