when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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