I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
