i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
