I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You took a bar mat shot.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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