Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Ketchup is God's man juice
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She bit a glass in half.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
