I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
