He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
