theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
