The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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