I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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