im drinking this country out of the recession.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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