The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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