well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
