i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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