what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
