Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
