idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
