In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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