we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
