She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
