i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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