i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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