We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My liver just had a heart attack.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
