i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
