the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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