we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
did i walk over a car last night?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
