You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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