He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
