So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
