my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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