I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
