That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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