plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
