No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
