have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I wish i was in the wii world.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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