so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
