This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I love having hate sex.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
