have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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