he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
