i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
