I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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