i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
