Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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