I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
