She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
