am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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