what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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