So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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