I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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