as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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