I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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