I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
