I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
