Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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