just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
