I wish I could punch you in the face.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We left an ass print on the piano.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
