Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
