So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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