you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
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sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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