Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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