I could have mohawked her pubes.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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