I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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