whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
