Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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