Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
