Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
