my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
