wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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