Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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