Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
organizing the empties. That sober.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
