dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
